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Tall Girls & Dating: Heels or Not?

Do you know how many men I have dated who were taller than me? One. He may well have been taller than me (he was 6ft5, I’m 6ft2) but his inability to tell the truth and remain faithful eclipsed any benefits I experienced dating him as a tall man. My other relationships have all been with men around 6ft or 6ft1 so I’ve never really had the luxury of dating a man significantly taller than me.

I’m not alone. Most tall women have dated men equal to or shorter than themselves and if (like me) you have passion for high heels, then there is an issue that is rarely discussed:  Do you wear flats around your man to make him feel more comfortable?  Does it emasculate him if you wear heels making yourself a few inches taller? If you choose to wear heels, aren’t you risking the ridicule of friends and strangers if you’re a couple of (barely perceptible) inches taller than your boy?

I’ve had good friends make comments (usually male friends) and asking why I’m wearing heels around my (not-massively tall) boyfriends. Even my dates often behave slightly strangely on occasion if they aren’t sure whether I am looking them squarely in the eye or not – but only in public. In private this is never an issue.

There are many tall celebrities who have succumbed to this secret pressure: one of Nicole Kidman’s first statements following her divorce from Tom Cruise was “Now I can wear heels again!” (was a heel ban included in the pre-nup agreement?) and ex-supermodel Carla Bruni has only been seen in heels once since her marriage to the Napoleanesque President of France, Nicolas Sarkozy last year. Even ultimate fashionista L’Wren Scott wears flats with amazing evening dresses to attempt to re-dress the balance between her and Mick Jagger (although with a 10 inch height difference between the two, she might be fighting a losing battle).

Carla Bruni in some of her many flats

As I couldn’t find any stylish heels until my early 20’s, I didn’t wear heels for the first 23 years of my life. I now wear heels almost every day. Even my weekend casual footwear is a collection of wedged suede boots. I LOVE heels. I believe that it doesn’t make any difference to the perception of my height to others - they’re all still looking upwards from their 5ft6 vantage point - but heels make me look and feel better.  Incidentally, I had phemonenally more success with boys after the age of 23 than before.

So, should the next boy I date be less than 6ft2, should I yield, abandon my hot high heels and wear flats? On the contrary, I firmly believe it would emasculate any man if a woman he dated STOPPED wearing heels on his behalf. Would we not be assuming that he is not secure enough in his masculinity to deal with such a trivial difference? And wouldn’t this be a step on a slippery slope.. would we dress differently for a man? Change our hair for a man? Have plastic surgery for a man!? (I have one friend who had breast implants for her boyfriend – he paid for them!) I think not. If we changed our footwear to suit my date, where would it stop?

My theory is also this: any man who asks me out, without question met me when I was wearing heels so surely if he was attracted to me at 6ft5, then he’s not going to suddenly find me more attractive if I’m wearing flat shoes and walking like a flat-footed platypus (this is how I feel when wearing them, incidentally!).

What do you think? Do you avoid wearing heels around your man if he’s shorter? Or would you rather upgrade your man than downgrade your heels?

Note: When I mentioned I was writing about this subject to my mother (5ft10), she commented on how flats were no good if you wished to intentionally stand on your husband/boyfriends foot when they are behaving inappropriately in public – apparently heels are far more effective!

Scientists now say that height gives sportsman and women such an advantage that the World’s swimming and athletics bodies may soon have to introduce boxing-style weight classes. All it takes is a few tall athletes (I’m thinking of one 6ft5 Jamaican sprinter in particular) winning consistently for political correctness to go mad.

Yes, height is deemed an advantage in some sports such as rowing, tennis and some spheres of athletics but why does this now mean that society must modify competition rules to ensure that everyone has a fair chance?  I think we’re all adult enough to realise - Life isn’t fair! I’m pretty sure that I realised at around 7 years old that I just wouldn’t make it as a gymnast – 6 inches taller than all the other girls and a little chubby with it, I didn’t get upset – I just got on with it.

Why can’t society and the political correctness mob stop meddling and leave us all to be grown up enough to realise we are not going to be good at everything. Here’s a novel ideal – if you’re tall, play tennis or row, if you’re short become a gymnast or a jockey. Now why can’t we all just do what we’re suited to?

As Autumn beckons, so do the colours of the season. Deep browns, reds, oranges and beiges begin to take over our wardrobes. It’s a more natural manner of dressing and much easier to pull on a cosy winter knit in the morning than pile on a neon skirt suit and lashings of kohl eyeliner.

Time to start layering. Start with luxury knits for a comfortable, stylish option to battling the cold. Hats, scarves, gloves and cardigans are perfect, not only for differing temperatures and times, but also to be bang on trend this season. If you haven’t got one already, make sure that you invest in a coatigan. Coats and macs may be stylish, but cardigans are comfortable, so combining the two just seems genius! Snap one up in a neutral colour so that you can get your maximum wear out of it, before it gets too cold!

Finally, as this season is clearly about versatility, you can mix and match sumptuous fabrics such as velvet, suede and fur with leather, denim and tweed for a practical yet modern edge. Check out PPQ’s offering below on the trend.

EEK! I’ve just read that researchers in Australia have decided that they have ‘solved’ the ultimate dating maths conundrum: the average woman has a 75% chance that her 13th romantic partner will be Mr Right.

In her book ‘Mathematics & Sex’ – yes, not words usually put together – Cresswell apparently “reveals  the ways in which math can help unlock the secrets of love, lust, and life’s search for the ideal partner, this intriguing text covers topics such as dating services, dating as game theory, the mathematical logic of affairs, and the numbers behind orgasms. Math’s answers to love’s burning questions How much should one compromise in a relationship? Exactly what is it that is attractive in a lover? How many partners should one have before settling down? and What makes the infamous biological clock tick? are also revealed”.

So, what constitutes as a ‘Romantic Partner’? Good God I hope it’s not meant under the most basic sense of ‘partner’  -  I suspect I am like many many modern independent women who have been living away from home for more than 15 years, it’s hopefully not that shocking to hear that Number 13 was some time ago! The question is = Should I be sexually regressing and head off to hunt down the lucky No.13?  Hmm, I’m not so sure I want to go back to the future.. no matter how much the 80’s are on trend this season.

As you must have heard on the news this morning, a number of South Pacific islands suffered an horrific natural disaster a few hours ago. I can be sure that for most of us, an event such as this reminds us that our daily concerns and worries are insignificant in the light of such a tragedy. Please donate whatever you can afford, even a few pounds or dollars, to aid the relief effort to the New Zealand Red Cross Samoa Relief Fund  HERE or click on the link to the right.

REUTERS news agency reported this morning:

“A series of tsunamis smashed into the Pacific island nations of American and Western Samoa killing possibly more than 100 people, some washed out to sea, destroying villages and injuring hundreds, officials said on Wednesday.

Disaster officials said the toll may reach well over 100 as rescuers search for bodies in flattened villages along the southern shore of the island of Upolu.”

Put the Coral OPI and the Aqua blue Orly down. This Autumn the only colour you should be seen wearing on those talons of yours is Chanel’s Jade. A winner with the Amazona girls (as what other super-hot trend can you grab for under £20?), you”ll have to have an ‘A-Team’ style plan to get some - apparently only a few hundred bottles are being produced so you’d better get your name on the list quick-smart! Out on October 8th from Chanel boutiques.

It’s official. Tall people can’t dance. Ok, it’s not really official but as a life-long complete loser when it comes to any kind of dancing, I was so happy to read that it’s common knowledge in professional dancing circles that tall people can’t dance.

The discussion came to light when Jade Johnson (the British Olympic athlete who’s 6ft1) made her first appearance on ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ (if you’re in the USA - your version is ‘Dancing with the Stars’)  this weekend.  Instead of, as the professionals had predicted, messing it all up and looking like an ungainly giraffe, she was reasonably elegant and did a great job. She certainly didn’t embarrass herself like her tall former contestants (model Jodie Kidd to name one!). Having said this, I truly think that the shorter celebrities seem to find it easier… and look more professional as a result.

What do you think? Can us tall girls ever be stunners on the dance floor well?

NOTE: After the tragic death of Patrick Swayze last week, apparently many Newlyweds are choosing to recreate the ‘Time of my Life’ dance from Dirty Dancing as an homage. Personally, I think the whole choreographed ‘first dance at your wedding’ routine is now incredibly naff. However, if you can’t get that Dirty Dancing tune out of your head… then take a look at Paddy McGuinness and his hilarious version for UK Charity event Comic Relief  HERE

In the same way that shoulder pads and skirt suits strike fear into thirty-something women, recent runways have shown us twenty-somethings that it is time for us to relive fashion again.

It is a well-known fact that fashion moves in a circular motion. It is exhilarating to put on a vintage 1950s polka dot dress and feel like you could have been alive in that time. Yet for some who were, they do not want to do it again. The 50s were a long time ago, yet the 1990s seems oh-so-very-recent and still fresh in our minds.

Grunge is making a comeback

Many women who grew up in the 80s will refuse to don the angular shoulder pads and bright, neon tights and accessories seen on Marc Jacobs’ AW 09/10 catwalk. Neither will they get overly excited about the power suits and restricting tight dresses of Donna Karen and Michael Kors. They’ve done it before. It reminds them of Vanilla Ice and bad perms. However, over the past couple of seasons, a few trends have sneakily appeared on the runways with designers attempting to be even further ahead of everybody else. They have left the 1980s and found themselves in the 90s, home to combat trousers, grunge and the Spice Girls. A scary combination though it may be, it is even more so for those who now are considering once again slipping on ripped, slashed deniers and a pair of Doc Martens for the first time since they were a Nirvana-worshipping teen.

Alexander Wang AW08

Alexander Wang first brought back the grunge trend on his AW08 runway, with slashed tights and casual beanies. Comfort appears to be the way forward. After seasons of squeezing into Hervé Leger bodycon mini dresses and sky-high stilettos, we welcome biker boots, deconstructed clothing and Dolce and Gabbana’s pyjama suits . Slouchy, faded bags, ripped hosiery and denim and grungy, baggy trousers have all made noticeable appearances in recent collections. From Jimmy Choo to See by Chloé, leather biker boots are everywhere. The jeans trend for 2009 is ripped, distressed denim. Oversize blazers are the most striking look from 1990s movies and you may call it the ‘boyfriend’ trend nowadays, but it is not too far from what every stylish woman was wearing a mere fifteen years ago. Catsuits were also made popular in the 1990s when Michelle Pfeiffer hit the screens as Catwoman and Posh Spice willfully continued the look on stage. This trend was heavily reflected in the jumpsuits on the SS09 runways, which have proved popular with celebs and office workers alike.

Marc Jacobs AW09

But what else should we expect? It cannot be much longer until we are re-embracing the bandana and parachute combat look of 1997. We’ve already seen the headscarf as a major accessory and just mix the deconstructed, baggy trouser trend with the zip detailing seen on runways all over the world and what resembles a pair of combat trousers will slowly appear before your eyes. It would seem that it is inevitable. With tartan back a la mode, just wait until the Britney schoolgirls start to appear again.

Style icons for the future?

My memories of the 90s are of bad oversized suits, cheesy boy and girl pop bands and the followers of grunge. Most of which I have been dreading would be repeated. And yet whilst I try to resist going where I have been before, I find myself scanning the high street rails for the perfect oversize blazer to go with my slouchy leggings and flat black ankle boots. I may as well pick up some tights whilst I’m at it. And a pair of scissors.

Chanel AW09

With the release of Coco avant Chanel and reignited interest in the life of Gabrielle ‘Coco’ Chanel in the film world, fashion has followed this lead with a huge upsurge of ladylike trends on the runways and on the high street. Finally, women can embrace their sexuality by using it to take control. If you dream of strutting down a Parisian boulevard with a killer pair of heels on and a twinkle in your eye, then this may be the look for you this season.

Louis Vuitton AW09

There are two ways of wearing this look: Sexy Glamour Puss and Tailored Lady. Sexy Glamour Puss just stays on the right side of sophisticated sexy. For a bit of Paris ooh la la, go for girly lace and jewels with peekaboo designs and flashes of silk lingerie. Team sheer black stockings with ruffles, lace, bows and frills and just a slick of red lipstick. Hair is a sizzling Bardot beehive up-do. Think more woman-in-charge and less woman-who-charges! This is about being ladylike, fun and flirty with a hint of sexiness. Louis Vuitton really showed how sexy can still be sophisticated for AW09.

The Tailored lady is less Bardot and more Coco Chanel with matching skirt suits and pretty separates. This season, sensual textures are all the rage with velvet and silky satins making a big comeback. It’s powerdressing with a difference. Women can use their feminine wiles to get what they want and not overt sexuality. Embrace your femininity, whilst still remaining smart and in control. Look to the catwalks of Christian Lacroix and, of course, Chanel for inspiration.