Tall Dating Issues: Wearing flats for a boy?

Tall Girls & Dating: Heels or Not?

Do you know how many men I have dated who were taller than me? One. He may well have been taller than me (he was 6ft5, I’m 6ft2) but his inability to tell the truth and remain faithful eclipsed any benefits I experienced dating him as a tall man. My other relationships have all been with men around 6ft or 6ft1 so I’ve never really had the luxury of dating a man significantly taller than me.

I’m not alone. Most tall women have dated men equal to or shorter than themselves and if (like me) you have passion for high heels, then there is an issue that is rarely discussed:  Do you wear flats around your man to make him feel more comfortable?  Does it emasculate him if you wear heels making yourself a few inches taller? If you choose to wear heels, aren’t you risking the ridicule of friends and strangers if you’re a couple of (barely perceptible) inches taller than your boy?

I’ve had good friends make comments (usually male friends) and asking why I’m wearing heels around my (not-massively tall) boyfriends. Even my dates often behave slightly strangely on occasion if they aren’t sure whether I am looking them squarely in the eye or not – but only in public. In private this is never an issue.

There are many tall celebrities who have succumbed to this secret pressure: one of Nicole Kidman’s first statements following her divorce from Tom Cruise was “Now I can wear heels again!” (was a heel ban included in the pre-nup agreement?) and ex-supermodel Carla Bruni has only been seen in heels once since her marriage to the Napoleanesque President of France, Nicolas Sarkozy last year. Even ultimate fashionista L’Wren Scott wears flats with amazing evening dresses to attempt to re-dress the balance between her and Mick Jagger (although with a 10 inch height difference between the two, she might be fighting a losing battle).

Carla Bruni in some of her many flats

As I couldn’t find any stylish heels until my early 20’s, I didn’t wear heels for the first 23 years of my life. I now wear heels almost every day. Even my weekend casual footwear is a collection of wedged suede boots. I LOVE heels. I believe that it doesn’t make any difference to the perception of my height to others - they’re all still looking upwards from their 5ft6 vantage point - but heels make me look and feel better.  Incidentally, I had phemonenally more success with boys after the age of 23 than before.

So, should the next boy I date be less than 6ft2, should I yield, abandon my hot high heels and wear flats? On the contrary, I firmly believe it would emasculate any man if a woman he dated STOPPED wearing heels on his behalf. Would we not be assuming that he is not secure enough in his masculinity to deal with such a trivial difference? And wouldn’t this be a step on a slippery slope.. would we dress differently for a man? Change our hair for a man? Have plastic surgery for a man!? (I have one friend who had breast implants for her boyfriend – he paid for them!) I think not. If we changed our footwear to suit my date, where would it stop?

My theory is also this: any man who asks me out, without question met me when I was wearing heels so surely if he was attracted to me at 6ft5, then he’s not going to suddenly find me more attractive if I’m wearing flat shoes and walking like a flat-footed platypus (this is how I feel when wearing them, incidentally!).

What do you think? Do you avoid wearing heels around your man if he’s shorter? Or would you rather upgrade your man than downgrade your heels?

Note: When I mentioned I was writing about this subject to my mother (5ft10), she commented on how flats were no good if you wished to intentionally stand on your husband/boyfriends foot when they are behaving inappropriately in public – apparently heels are far more effective!